"Are you suffering from painful intercourse?"

Women suffering from painful intercourse don’t feel comfortable to go for a consultation to the physician but face several reproductive problems in their life.

Pain during intercourse is the most sensitive problem amongst women that most of them feel it difficult to consult a physician. But this can be treated as the reason might be some physical illness.

Since a woman plays a major part of the whole reproduction process right beginning from the formation of the ova till giving birth to the child, painful intercourse could be a difficult stage for you to pass. In medical terms, it is known as dyspareunia that leads to tearing, ripping, burning or aching sensation during penetration. This pain could occur at the vaginal opening or deep in the pelvis or anywhere else in between. This could also be felt throughout the pelvic area and sexual organs.

Reasons for pain during intercourse:

1. The most common reason for the irritation during intercourse is insufficient lubrication or arousal that could create a vicious circle leading to a fear among the woman. Women having a hysterectomy or mastectomy can also face this problem with arousal because of the feeling of incompleteness. This could be treated with prompt and proper consultation whereby the physician provides you with lubrication methods that in turn will reduce discomfort.

2. Another factor for painful intercourse is thinning and drying of vaginal tissues when menopause begins amongst women. This occurs due to less production of the estrogen hormone that is needed to maintain vaginal tissue moist. As the ability of the vagina to make its own mucus tissues declines so as it becomes dry, itchy and painful leading to pain during intercourse.

3. Unintentional muscle spasms of the thighs, pelvis and vagina can also make penetration impossible and this stage is known as vaginismus that could develop from any of the above mentioned factors or due to psychological factors. A victim of traumatic sexual experience or rape can also lead to vaginismus and as such counseling can help a lot.

4. Most common reasons for painful intercourse is vaginal, pelvic infection or boils or cysts and boils, tumors, scars or anything that narrows the vagina, uterine tissue growing outside the uterus with bleeding and pain, intact hymen, complications of any past surgery, diseases such as diabetes that interfere with the physical process of arousal or orgasm.

Any of the factors due to less lubrication can be overcome with methods such as lubrication gels, estrogen creams or estrogen replacement therapy in pills.

"Full Body Orgasms"

Tantric philosophy has two seemingly different ideas about orgasm: the physical orgasm and the heart orgasm. At first appearance they may seem dualistic and contrary, but on closer inspection one supports the other perfectly.

On the one hand we are encouraged to be in our hearts 24 hours a day. That bliss-state can be equated to an orgasmic state of being with the energy transferred to all that we are and do during the day. In Tantra it is sometimes referred to as the "right hand path" because certain sects of practitioners achieve this optimum state of being through meditation, yoga, mantra chanting, and celibacy.

One the other hand, which is the "left hand path," sexuality is the vehicle in which one rides to achieve this same bliss-state. Sexuality is used as a form of yoga to go to the deepest spiritual levels one can attain. In other words, the orgasm is used as the gateway to recognize the bliss-state. The individual then has the proper tools to grow that recognition into a powerful path to consciousness.

Modern Tantra recognizes that there are several forms of orgasm. There is the clitoral orgasm, which tends to be very localized to the genitals. There is the vaginal orgasm, which mostly involves the G-spot and a few other locations in the vagina. There is the blended orgasm between the clitoris and the G-spot. This makes perfect sense because under the skin, the clitoris splits into two roots and these roots wrap around either side of the G-spot, which stimulates it directly. And there is the energy orgasm or heart orgasm.

Vaginal orgasms lend themselves to full body orgasmic potential when the breath, the mind and the orgasm itself all form a complete experience. When our bodies get this full-blown experience and when we practice enhancing it with different breath patterns, sounds and "right hand path" techniques, we have the potential to move into multiple orgasms and out-of-body sex. As we begin to go further into this practice one is able to begin to have full body orgasms, or energy orgasms, simply by breathing them, without any physical touch. This powerful energy is then much more available to us in our everyday life, sometimes by simply breathing!

When the two paths are blended the possibilities for personal growth extend exponentially and the dualism vanishes.

"Your First Night"

Of course, no one can teach you how to have sex. But a pre-marital chat on sex will take away a lot of anxiety that you feel. Here's what you can expect.

Men may advertise for virgin girls in their matrimonial ads, but when it comes to the bedroom, they expect you to be a seductress. Yeah, even on the first night. A contradiction, isn't it? As you will realise soon, marriages are a lot about finding balance within contradictions.

Pre-marital counselling:

Not very sought after in India even now, some psychological and clinical advice on sex can help save many a first night from being a passion pooper. Counselling teaches you that passion--an urgent product of desire--doesn't always develop on its own, it is often the hard-won fruit of intimate communication. Have you talked about your first night with your partner? If not, do so; it will help thaw a lot of apprehension. If possible, visit a counsellor and express all your reservations and queries.

The Honeymoon and The Hymen:

"Will I bleed?" "Will it be painful?" These are the most common questions, brides-to-be ask. Despite the fact that many of the urban couples these days have had some pre-marital sexual experience. And despite the fact that most of the educated people know that they hymen can rupture even due to strenuous sports, horse-riding etc, yet, the hymen remains a debatable issue with most couples, leading to much misunderstanding.

The answer to this is fairly simple. If your hymen is still unbroken, yes bleeding can occur (though it doesn't have to), and you may even experience a little pain the first time. But it doesn't last and is almost never anything serious.

Then there is the other area of general ignorance in connection with the hymen. In some cases, it does not even yield to sexual penetration, making intercourse an agonising encounter for the girl, and frustrating for the man. In such cases, the hymen has to be broken with a gynecologist's help. Sometimes a minor surgical procedure is required to make penetration possible, if there prevails a congenital malformation. But since very few couples know of this, it can make them distant and anxious in the initial days of marriage itself.

So whatever your personal experience, your strategy should be not to make a big deal about anything till you know what is causing the anxiety. Even men need to free themselves from the pressure to perform that can become a killing tension on the first night. If you make each other comfortable on the first night itself, good sex is sure to follow.

The Big O:

Since the female orgasm is not associated with ejaculation, many women (and men) develop crazy theories about it, often holding themselves responsible for anything that goes wrong. Chances are that a woman may not be able to achieve orgasm on the first night, because she has to first feel comfortable with her own body, with the intimacy that she develops with her groom, and it is a deep journey into personal uninhibition. It can't be rushed or dutifully fulfilled on the first night. So don't expect the earth or move or time to stand still on your wedding night. It is unrealistic for both of you.

Your libido, as Freud said, is the strongest thing about you. Treat it kindly. And it will stand by you.

Even if your husband is the understanding sort, with multiple expectations, vulnerability, redefinition of your personal space and all the things that marriage brings, the honeymoon can make you very jittery. Unless you are prepared for it.

"Sharing Each Other's Genitals"

Oral sex is both casual and rampant among young people today.

"Many engage in this activity rather cavalierly with friends, or even people they barely know," she writes. "Sharing each other's genitals has become like sharing a cigarette, drink or joint in some circles."

Such declarations are common in many new parenting guides that deal with teen sexuality.

They warn adults that their kids are engaged in new and risky behaviours that the parents never experienced in their own youth.

But are these necessary updates on modern sexuality or alarmist tactics that scare parents into thinking they should do more than just talk about the birds and the bees?

"For parents today, as opposed to 30 or 20 years ago, there is a new reality," said Cory Silverberg, a Toronto-based sex educator and co-owner of Come as You Are. "We are living in an increasingly sexualized culture and youth are exposed to way more sexual content."

The Internet, advertising and pop culture have all led to kids being faced with a swath of new issues, and they are approaching sexuality in a new way, dragging their parents along with them, like it or not.

"The parents aren't prepared for what's going on now," he said, suggesting that adults need to educate themselves about social networking, pop culture and other realities of teenage life that may have an impact on their attitude toward sexuality.

"Cunnilingus: A Sexual Art Form"

Oral sex with your girlfriend is probably one of the most erotic and fulfilling experiences when it comes to sex. The best advice I can give is to relax, take your time. It's all about sexual expression and pleasure.

The act of Cunnilingus is basically the manipulation of the lips and inner folds of the vagina and the stimulation of the clitoris..

This of course doesn't stop the inventive man from feeling his partner's body up. She has inner thighs, breasts and nipples that are just aching to be gently pinched and pulled while tongue and lips massage her intimate spots.

Place your hand underneath her in bed (or wherever you may be laying down!), slip her onto your fingers and let her do the work.

Let her move in the way she wants to move to pleasure herself, in a sense she is fucking your hand.

You may position your fingers onto her clit slightly harder at times to help her out a little but she will press and move harder as and when she wants to

Trust me! When she comes it will be explosive!